Life Overhaul

I have decided it is time to do an overhaul. Sometimes, it is so tough not to just go through the motions, actually take a step back and admit to yourself you are not satisfied. I have been escaping into the world of Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and Youtube. Instead of going out and living my own life, I have been wrapped up in other people's snapshots of what they choose to share about their fabulous lives. True, I have learned some makeup and hair tricks, some DIY projects i will never complete, and bought a bunch of products I haven't loved, because said person convinced me they were the best. With my collection of makeup growing ever larger, my accessories feeling of inadequacy, and little time to improve myself it is time.

I will set a goal for myself, to allow myself to get updates on my social media once daily. Normally, this is something I have grown accustomed to checking frequently, even realizing that I am waiting for something new to pop up.

I will spend more time reading, looking into my opportunities for self-growth and improvement, and maybe even get off my butt for some much needed exercise. I have made excuses since having my baby, because I do have to devote a lot of time and energy to him. I can scroll on my phone while hanging out with him, while he is sleeping, while I am trying to fall asleep myself. I read the crap while I am having breakfast, drinking my coffee, waiting for my appointments. Goooosh, I read and look at the crap constantly.

I have been toying with the idea of going back to school for a Master's Degree, or some additional certifications. I am at a standstill with my current career, with not much room for growth. This may be the edge I need to get ahead. Now here comes my dilemma, what do I study? I haven't found too many options I feel super passionate about, interested by, or dying to do long term. From what I hear this is how people make their decisions for careers, education, and life.

When I was pregnant, I got cable television for the first time in over 3 years. I thought I would need it to pass my time while the baby was sleeping, before I went to bed, etc. I very rarely turn to television, and these days when I do, it is to have background noise while I am trying to unwind and fall asleep. I often go through several episodes when I am sleeping, and realize I am not at all interested in what I am watching.

We moved to a smaller area, and I haven't made any new friends. I work from home, so that is a major hurdle to over come. I have met some people here and there, the grocery store, the neighborhood pool. I have a friend who lives here, but he has been going through some medical issues, and we haven't been able to get together for a while. My son started daycare four weeks ago, and I haven't met any of the other parents. We have all been sick since he started, I have never been to urgent care and the ER so much in my life. We have all been on antibiotics, me twice, and still like living in a sick house.

So, where do I start with this new me? I guess the first step is making the commitment to myself to stop with the social media. One update per day. Next I will add more exercise into my day. As I check off these accomplishments, I will add more. I am so excited to regain my sense of self again. I feel like I was so sick with morning sickness, then I was uncomfortable, had the baby, haven't slept well sine, and just kept escaping more and more until I was no longer living for me.

Cheers, resolution, and it's not even NYE! Can I be this happy lady again, perhaps with better makeup skills? Here's hoping!

TastyKakes Minis Cupcakes

Hooray for #TastkakesMiniWins!
I was so lucky to be included in the voxbox from #Influenster.

 'Can I have some of those mom?' you can see it in his eyes!

This was a new flavor for me, I have had the traditional ones in the past. Is there anyone out there does not love peanut butter and chocolate together? I have yet to meet anyone that doesn't. This is the delicious treat you may have enjoyed in the past with the moist cake, yummy center, and frosting on top. If you haven't tried them, you should definitely go out and grab a box. I think kids will enjoy them because they are small enough to fit in their hands, and there are three in a package.

I enjoyed these as a little treat when I had a craving for something sweet. I had little guilt because they were small, but did the trick. The three are about 180 calories, which is much less than a candy bar, and a little bit more than a can of soda. Not a bad trade off! There is a nice balance of flavor, so you will get about the same taste as you would with the traditional chocolate with white cream filing. But there is a little punch of peanut butter.

To any of my friends, family, readers... if you love trying out new things for free, you should check out www.influenster.com. I have had a blast reviewing products through them.

Moving Again...

WHAT A NIGHTMARE!  We sold my husband's home, and bought a home in the West Valley. We started moving into the gigantic home when I was still pregnant. This year my husband and I have been in different places much of the time. He is usually working on getting a home ready to sell, or packing and moving stuff. After we had Davey, we learned how difficult it is to raise. Most of the time we can't even keep up with him. It is so much more than you can even imagine.

My parent's lived further north, and they had decided to buy another home in their development. This made their current home open. The area is so nice, it doesn't get remotely as hot, and actually has some seasons! I had a chat with my boss about being able to work from home 100% of the time. I was so lucky to be able to do so. We decided to move up, and buy my parents home.

Moving with a child, especially a baby is insane! In fact, it should be an Olympic Sport! The fun begins again... Its been a couple of months, we are still moving, and trying to fit a 3000 square foot home into a little more than 1800. Hahah, when did we accumulate so much shit? I can fill my master closet with only my clothes. I have clothes for many different stages of my life. The ugh, I can't believe I fit in this size again.. the eh not doing too bad.. and the I CAN'T BELIEVE I FIT IN THIS AGAIN WOOHOO!  Right now I am somewhere between the first two, but I am not giving up hope that I will be in the later at some point again.

This neighborhood is really great. It is nice and quiet, you can actually see the stars. Its been raining a lot. There are sunny days, there are humid days, there are cloudy days. I love it so far. We have a really nice big club house, with a pool, hot tub, gym, and movie theater room. I am really excited to go there and spend some time out of the home, and not on my ass staring at a computer screen.

The thing that really sucks about living here, is that you have to drive very far to get to any stores. I am so used to having one right outside my neighborhood or a short drive. I have actually had to start making a shopping list. I can't just run out when I need something. The target is about 25 minutes away :( I used to be able to walk to one. I am hoping this inconvenience will make it easier for me to save more money.

It is really crazy, no one here is into fashion. It is going to be really easy to not worry much about my clothes, shoes, bags, etc. I don't think anyone knows who designers are, or cares. You can go into TJMAXX and find designer things on clearance! That would never happen anywhere in the Phoenix area. I was telling my husband, that I could probably be in style here for about 10-15 years with my current wardrobe.

My friend Josh, that I worked with for a short time, before my promotion, lives up this way. So once in a while I have been able to meet up with him. We have a great time, and laugh a lot. I'm so grateful to have such an awesome person to hang out with.

So my poor husband is once again fixing up a home to sell, packing up and moving up to our new home. Hoping our home will be listed in a week or so. We can't wait to be done and own one home. I guess we are going to need to have a garage sale at some point. We have three kitchen tables, 4 couches, 4 kitchen worth of things. We have given away a bunch of things, donated a bunch, and still we have more than anyone could want or need.

Anyone have any tips about how to organize a ton of stuff into a  small closet?

My friend Murrlyn...

I recently had dinner with one of my friends, Marilyn. She moved away to Florida, so any time I get a chance, I will go to any length to see her. It was fun catching up, she also got to meet my son for the first time. He was a little moody since he had just had his 6 month check up, including 4 vaccines. It was so funny because his doctor said to me at his 4 month check up, that he will not pay much attention to his weight until he turns 2 yrs old, as long as he isn't losing weight. Dave has grown very quickly, and he is a big baby, but not in an overweight sense. I was told to cut back a bit on his food, because "he is getting really quite large".

I was really shocked, because my son was 6 weeks premature. He weighed under 5lbs, and he really doesn't look very big. He is healthy, has a bit of baby rolls and cheeks, but he is also very strong. you don't want him to grab you hair, or even worse pinch you between the knuckles!

I was amazed that it went so quickly from how cute and pudgy he was to, you better not feed him so much. We don't overfeed him. I believe we feed him about what is needed. Are we seriously going to start make anyone conscious of their weight already, when they are not even a year old? I thought babies were supposed to be blubbery and roly poly like!

Anyway, I think I may be more sensitive about it, because I was body shamed growing up, ALL THE TIME! I refuse to give my son an unhealthy body image at this age. Especially because he is absolutely perfect in my eyes.

It was a lot more fun talking with my friend about when we are going to gear up for a big diet, and we have the proverbial "Last Meal", which is to give us an opportunity to eat shitty foods one last time before getting it together. The funny thing is the "Last Meal" makes me realize how I can't just have one thing and never eat anything bad ever again, so then I start with the okay, I also have to have pizza, and what about a cheeseburger, oh my gosh Onion rings, oh and what about ice cream.. I never get to the end of the things I need to have before eating like a rabbit the rest of my days, and usually I have to try to start all over again, but only when it's Monday. Nobody ever made a decision to change their life and started on a Saturday or Sunday, did they? I certainly wouldn't because those are the days I actually have the time to sit in line and wait for the shit food.

On that note, its monday, and I ate some pizza today and bread, oh and don't forget soda. I guess better luck next week!

Dove Dark Chocolate covered Blueberries

I received this product complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes. The closest think I could compare this to is the Brookside Chocolate covered berries. I have purchased them in the past, primarily for my husband, he tends to get a sweet tooth once in a while. Those are delicious, don't get me wrong, but these taste more like real fruit. There is not extra juice injected into them, which is the taste I get when eating the Brookside. Unfortunately when these were shipped to me, I didn't realize they were sitting in my hot mail box. I live in AZ, so the temperatures were much hotter here than anywhere else in the country at the time. Although the majority were melted together into a chocolate covered berry ice berg shape, I chomped away on it anyway. They are really that delicious!
For the nutrition nuts like myself, here is a breakdown..
per pack there is 2 servings. Half of which is 190 calories, 9g total fat 5 of which are satuarted, 5mg cholesterol, 27g carbs 2 g fiber,m 23g sugars 2g protein
Not too shab for what is essentially candy. I put mine in the fridge and they are even more delicious chilled. It made them a little crunchy, and a great treat. 

5 Days Into the Rest of My Life

So today is day 5 of my new diet. So far it has been really not too bad. The only thing I notice now is that there are so many dang commercials for candy and junk food. While I have been noshing on my veggies and lean meat, I have been enticed with large over-sized Reese's, pastel colored Hershey Kisses, and cheesey pizzas with grease pockets just sitting on top. Normally I would not even notice it, but since I can't have it, I want it!! I must have tried to justify me having some Ben & Jerry's ice cream about 50 times yesterday.

This week I have been eating the following: mixed nuts- but not too much since high in calorie and fat, chicken- grilled, mixed veggies- mostly broccoli, cauliflower, green beans, and carrots, eggs, breakfast sausage, coffee with soy creamer, and I guess that is about it. Oh I have allowed myself a couple of apples with peanut butter.

So far I am down 4lbs. It doesn't seem like a ton, but its only going on the 5th day, and I haven't done a ton of extra exercise. Truthfully, I feel like a slug when I leave my work computer, because it is physically draining. Sitting in front of a compute with several monitors, not to mention that it can be emotionally draining and quite stressful. I know, I know, what job isn't? Not try to compare or say mine is worse than yours. It is just hard to get up from my desk at the end of the day, and not smother my baby in kisses, my puppy in belly rubs and behind the ear scratches, and my husband listening to me talk about my dreams for the future. Outside of this, and my need to decompress after work, I don't find time for myself to exercise. I should, I need to, but I just don't make the time.

I am on a no spend April challenge, and I have been doing quite well. I did have my hair done Tuesday, but that was because it was schedule months before... and in my old age, ahem, I needed it! Other than that, I have purchased a random diet soda here or there, baby formula, diapers, gas, but that is it! I haven't broken yet, and its already April 10!! If all goes well, I may be able to extend this even further in the future. My whole goal is to stop trying to find happiness in things, declutter my life, and find happiness in simplicity and my life. I recently took about 5 large bags full of clothes, shoes, hats, etc to the goodwill donation center. The interesting thing is, I couldn't tell you what was in the bags, I can picture one sweater, that is all. My closet and drawers are still very full, and I held on to those things for so long, really for no reason at all.

I have found it very freeing, and exciting to get rid of the extra things I don't need. We are preparing for another move, so it makes sense to drop some extraneous things. I encourage all of you to rid yourself of any of the extra things in your life that are no longer serving any purpose! It really is liberating!

It Happened...

Have you ever woken up and thought, where the hell am I? Who am I? What happened???
I had one of these awakenings this past weekend. I picked my little munchkin up from a nap, and one of my favorite things to do is hold him up in the long mirror for him to see himself. I love watching him smile and giggle when he notices himself, and occasionally looks up and sees my face and recognizes it and smiles. This time was different, because this time I actually looked at myself... boy was that a rude awakening. I am not sure where or when it exactly happened, but suddenly I was a much larger, older, flabbier me. Granted, I hadn't been what anyone would call thin for a while. I put on some pounds, then had the wonderful pregnancy gain, and the post pregnancy barely have time for myself gain. Suddenly, I saw this person I didn't recognize. I am not in denial that I am out of shape, or that I had gained some weight. I am just in shock that after four and a half months, I hadn't lost any, and quite frankly I was looking bigger and more flabby than pregnant.

I have been going through a lot of things physically, emotionally, and mentally. It's no excuse but I definitely found pleasure in buying things and eating things. I thought if I ate less than I was during pregnancy, the weight would come off. This is not true. I was doing pretty well getting out and walking the baby while I was on maternity leave, but since I went back, I have been much less diligent about it. We walk when weather permits, I'm not dead tired, and quite  honestly when I have the energy to pick myself up and put on my shoes.

I decided yesterday after feeling really sorry for myself, and crying a bit while watching some RomCom movies, that I was going to actually take the time to invest in my health and well-being. I am going to start eating healthier, not going to eat away my sadness with junk food. I am going to start exercising more frequently. I joined the Tone It Up Bikini challenge, not because I think I will transform enough in 8 weeks to love being in a bikini again, but I crave the structure, and I need to have it.

I gave myself a new goal, rather than get back to a certain weight, size, look, etc.. I am challenging myself to complete the bikini challenge series. There is a nice girl that I have met through the planner community, and I am going to look to her for support. I have family and friends, but no one who can do the challenge with me. The three ladies I am closest to are pregnant, my mom is out of the question, and my most fit friend, is recovering from a spinal surgery, or I know she would be in on it with me.

I am going to blog about what I eat, what exercise I do, my challenges, my weak moments, and basically my life. It isn't to be in an unhealthy obsessive way, but more along the lines of it will keep me honest, keep me on track, and also give me something I can look back on to see how I got to wherever I end up. I am very excited to try to start this new chapter as not only a mom, but a woman who is going to take care of my body, my mind, and my health for myself and my family.

Please follow me on this journey as I begin my transformation into the new me.... It is bound to get interesting.

My dream, can it be a reality?

I have spent hours and hours watching YouTube tutorials, vlogs, and snippets. I have a dream to become a YouTube-r. I have found some really helpful channels with how to videos, and I have found some that I just found to be inspiring or relate-able. I want to be one of these people. I have gotten myself a camera, I have written up some ideas. I am constantly watching other people's videos for inspiration. I feel like it is really just an opportunity to share the same types of info in a different way. I think it may be more refreshing, because I am a novice with most of the creative elements, so if nothing else maybe people will get a good laugh.

I am definitely prone to funny, and I am not too proud to share those moments. I have had the eyebrows gone wrong, the epic pinterest fails, and countless silly mishaps.

My goal is to start trying to make videos, in the form others before me have.. and then evolve into who I will be as a blogger, vlogger, and average every day mother, who loves to shop, do hair, do makeup, and share pics of my dog and my baby.

Let's see where this goes! I still can't believe I had a baby in me!!! Wowza!

Aloha Festival

This weekend, my husband, Davey, and I went to the Aloha Festival. We went to meet up with my friends, Dar and her husband. This was our first Family "event" outting, and I was so excited!! I got Davey dressed up all cute.. in his Oshkosh bibs, remember those?!?!? I curled my hair and put on eye makeup, I even colored on eyebrows!! Can you tell I was excited? I used to do my hair and makeup all the time, but since getting pregnant, I just lost the will. Well, let's be honest, I would rather nap, shop eBay, or play with my kid. I even got into watching BRAVO tv.. oy.. I figured if I took the time to get ready, I may feel better about going out in a large crowd of public.

The thing is, I am intensely self- conscious. Especially since I got pregnant. I wasn't in terrific shape before I got pregnant (which was an unplanned, terrific surprise), and I have past body issues. I have never completely felt comfortable with my appearance. I could always be thinner, taller, more toned, less gray-haired, clearer complected... you get the point. Add in about 20 weeks of the most awful morning sickness, we are talking throwing up constantly. Needless to say, I fell even more out of shape, and became weaker, more uncomfortable.

I did not gain much in the beginning, but was encouraged to eat 'anything that sounds good' since I had been getting so sick. The problem was cheeseburgers and fries, pizza, skittles, onion rings, Dr. Pepper... that was what sounded good to me. I lost my gall bladder a few years back, and had pretty much gotten the death sentence on those types of food.. but the amazing thing was, I could eat it pregnant and I felt FINE! So, I definitely did a bit of indulging here and there, and goodbye thigh gap, hello big love handles, and gasp!!! the big, bad CELLULITE!

I am on a mission to get back into better shape then when I got pregnant, and heck let's go further back, to when Bryan and I started dating. It was probably the best shape I have been in since I went away to college. I am however trying to accomplish this not only by eating healthier, exercising more, but also rearranging my negative self talk.

So, back to the festival. I chose to wear jeans, being too self- conscious of my thunderous thighs, and a tee shirt I got in a bigger size then I have probably ever worn. I figured the make up and hair would help. I felt pretty leaving the house... then I saw the pictures from the event. Unforgiving is an understatement. I felt uncomfortable the rest of the time, not just because how I looked in the photos, but also because it was 85 degrees and super sunny. Talk about melting and mountain dew and back sweat... mmmmm! delicious!

I am going to continue to chronicle my journey, not because I need people to pat me on the back or tell me that I look fine the way I am. I know the people who love and care about me will always say that. I am going to do it because I believe it will help keep me on track and motivated and focused on my goals. I will begin to be more comfortable in my skin, and choose to take better care of it. Mark my words people! IT WILL HAPPEN!

Anyway, as for the festival, it was a great opportunity for us to get out, see some cultural things, although I found most of it to be a bit touristy, and stereotypical. I enjoyed watching the ukulele players, the dancing, and most of all the little children having a blast. I was thinking to myself, those kids didn't care what they were wearing, who was watching, or what anyone thought. What a concept!! I am hoping to do things like this more in the future. Mostly I can't wait to be able to focus more on living in the moment, than worrying what I look like to others. I imagine it will be extremely rewarding, exciting, and even relaxing!

Till next time...

How I met Darylein

When Davey was born, he was in the hospitals version of the "NICU". It was pretty intense in there, lots of babies and scared and worried parents. Tired moms who probably just needed to sleep. I was hospitalized and put on bedrest for five days before my little peanut was born. I had an amniotic leak, and my fluid level got so low I was sent straight from my ultrasound to admitting.

It was a very stressful, scary, boring, and exhausting time. Anyone who has spent any time in the hospital knows, you are poked, prodded, fed interesting food, and the worst... as soon as you fall asleep on the uncomfortable bed, they wake you up. I was trying to be as friendly and nice to the staff as possible, because they work really long hours, and they do quite a bit of work monitoring so many patients. I got two steroids to help with Davey's lung development, and all I could think was please let this work/help him, and please don't let it make me gain more weight!

By the time my son was born, I was so tired, I was almost a zombie. My labor was pretty quick and painless compared to what I hear other mothers go through, and believe me! I heard it!!! for FIVE LONG DAYS!!! I would walk down to the nursery for Davey's feedings every 3 hours, and just sit and look at this little man, that I somehow created and carried for 34 weeks and a day. While going to the nursery, I met many wonderful nurses, but one in particular, Darylein, was really special to me. She would chat with me, about anything and everything. I felt so much calmer when she was there to chat with, and teach me what I was doing with this baby I somehow woke up to. You know how sometimes you meet someone, and you think how have I lived without this person in my life, or how have I only known this person a week? That is how I felt when I spent time with Dar in the nursery. When you meet people like that you need to seize the opportunity, and foster the relationship. It is always hard to tell if there will be any boundaries crossed, or if the relationship you think you built is not quite as deep on the other person's end. I lucked out!!! She liked me too, hahah!

David spent one LONGGG week in the nursery, and then came home. When we went to leave the hospital, I was so excited to finally have my baby with me the whole day, instead of in many little increments. I was also bummed out about not having an excuse to hang with Dar too. So I asked her to exchange numbers, and we agreed we would meet up, and also have a shopping trip. We both like a lot of the same things.

The rest my friends... is history... and the future!!

Little Davey on his blanket for jaundice.

Everyone Else Does!!

I have decided to start my own blog, because I have really enjoyed reading about other people's passions, journeys, ideas, skills, you name it! I feel like I may have something that may interest others, or be someone that another can relate to and feel like someone else understands. I believe in the power of human connection, and the betterment of our lives because of it. I am also hoping this blog will help me stay true to myself, and also be accountable for my life goals.

I had a baby, David James, in November of 2014. He came early at 34 weeks, and there has been a period of about three months where I have only concentrated on his every need and want. I am hoping that I will be able to blog and share my experience with him, and my life and how it has changed since becoming a mother. I also hope that I can chronicle my journey of getting back to my pre-baby self, because it has been very hard, and I feel like this blog may help keep me on track.

I am in no way a professional writer, advice columnist, parent, or beauty guru. I am just a girl in the world... but, I am just fine with that.

Please follow along with me in my journey, and share yours with me as well! Happy Reading.

emilbusyram@gmail.com