Aloha Festival

This weekend, my husband, Davey, and I went to the Aloha Festival. We went to meet up with my friends, Dar and her husband. This was our first Family "event" outting, and I was so excited!! I got Davey dressed up all cute.. in his Oshkosh bibs, remember those?!?!? I curled my hair and put on eye makeup, I even colored on eyebrows!! Can you tell I was excited? I used to do my hair and makeup all the time, but since getting pregnant, I just lost the will. Well, let's be honest, I would rather nap, shop eBay, or play with my kid. I even got into watching BRAVO tv.. oy.. I figured if I took the time to get ready, I may feel better about going out in a large crowd of public.

The thing is, I am intensely self- conscious. Especially since I got pregnant. I wasn't in terrific shape before I got pregnant (which was an unplanned, terrific surprise), and I have past body issues. I have never completely felt comfortable with my appearance. I could always be thinner, taller, more toned, less gray-haired, clearer complected... you get the point. Add in about 20 weeks of the most awful morning sickness, we are talking throwing up constantly. Needless to say, I fell even more out of shape, and became weaker, more uncomfortable.

I did not gain much in the beginning, but was encouraged to eat 'anything that sounds good' since I had been getting so sick. The problem was cheeseburgers and fries, pizza, skittles, onion rings, Dr. Pepper... that was what sounded good to me. I lost my gall bladder a few years back, and had pretty much gotten the death sentence on those types of food.. but the amazing thing was, I could eat it pregnant and I felt FINE! So, I definitely did a bit of indulging here and there, and goodbye thigh gap, hello big love handles, and gasp!!! the big, bad CELLULITE!

I am on a mission to get back into better shape then when I got pregnant, and heck let's go further back, to when Bryan and I started dating. It was probably the best shape I have been in since I went away to college. I am however trying to accomplish this not only by eating healthier, exercising more, but also rearranging my negative self talk.

So, back to the festival. I chose to wear jeans, being too self- conscious of my thunderous thighs, and a tee shirt I got in a bigger size then I have probably ever worn. I figured the make up and hair would help. I felt pretty leaving the house... then I saw the pictures from the event. Unforgiving is an understatement. I felt uncomfortable the rest of the time, not just because how I looked in the photos, but also because it was 85 degrees and super sunny. Talk about melting and mountain dew and back sweat... mmmmm! delicious!

I am going to continue to chronicle my journey, not because I need people to pat me on the back or tell me that I look fine the way I am. I know the people who love and care about me will always say that. I am going to do it because I believe it will help keep me on track and motivated and focused on my goals. I will begin to be more comfortable in my skin, and choose to take better care of it. Mark my words people! IT WILL HAPPEN!

Anyway, as for the festival, it was a great opportunity for us to get out, see some cultural things, although I found most of it to be a bit touristy, and stereotypical. I enjoyed watching the ukulele players, the dancing, and most of all the little children having a blast. I was thinking to myself, those kids didn't care what they were wearing, who was watching, or what anyone thought. What a concept!! I am hoping to do things like this more in the future. Mostly I can't wait to be able to focus more on living in the moment, than worrying what I look like to others. I imagine it will be extremely rewarding, exciting, and even relaxing!

Till next time...