My dream, can it be a reality?

I have spent hours and hours watching YouTube tutorials, vlogs, and snippets. I have a dream to become a YouTube-r. I have found some really helpful channels with how to videos, and I have found some that I just found to be inspiring or relate-able. I want to be one of these people. I have gotten myself a camera, I have written up some ideas. I am constantly watching other people's videos for inspiration. I feel like it is really just an opportunity to share the same types of info in a different way. I think it may be more refreshing, because I am a novice with most of the creative elements, so if nothing else maybe people will get a good laugh.

I am definitely prone to funny, and I am not too proud to share those moments. I have had the eyebrows gone wrong, the epic pinterest fails, and countless silly mishaps.

My goal is to start trying to make videos, in the form others before me have.. and then evolve into who I will be as a blogger, vlogger, and average every day mother, who loves to shop, do hair, do makeup, and share pics of my dog and my baby.

Let's see where this goes! I still can't believe I had a baby in me!!! Wowza!

Aloha Festival

This weekend, my husband, Davey, and I went to the Aloha Festival. We went to meet up with my friends, Dar and her husband. This was our first Family "event" outting, and I was so excited!! I got Davey dressed up all cute.. in his Oshkosh bibs, remember those?!?!? I curled my hair and put on eye makeup, I even colored on eyebrows!! Can you tell I was excited? I used to do my hair and makeup all the time, but since getting pregnant, I just lost the will. Well, let's be honest, I would rather nap, shop eBay, or play with my kid. I even got into watching BRAVO tv.. oy.. I figured if I took the time to get ready, I may feel better about going out in a large crowd of public.

The thing is, I am intensely self- conscious. Especially since I got pregnant. I wasn't in terrific shape before I got pregnant (which was an unplanned, terrific surprise), and I have past body issues. I have never completely felt comfortable with my appearance. I could always be thinner, taller, more toned, less gray-haired, clearer complected... you get the point. Add in about 20 weeks of the most awful morning sickness, we are talking throwing up constantly. Needless to say, I fell even more out of shape, and became weaker, more uncomfortable.

I did not gain much in the beginning, but was encouraged to eat 'anything that sounds good' since I had been getting so sick. The problem was cheeseburgers and fries, pizza, skittles, onion rings, Dr. Pepper... that was what sounded good to me. I lost my gall bladder a few years back, and had pretty much gotten the death sentence on those types of food.. but the amazing thing was, I could eat it pregnant and I felt FINE! So, I definitely did a bit of indulging here and there, and goodbye thigh gap, hello big love handles, and gasp!!! the big, bad CELLULITE!

I am on a mission to get back into better shape then when I got pregnant, and heck let's go further back, to when Bryan and I started dating. It was probably the best shape I have been in since I went away to college. I am however trying to accomplish this not only by eating healthier, exercising more, but also rearranging my negative self talk.

So, back to the festival. I chose to wear jeans, being too self- conscious of my thunderous thighs, and a tee shirt I got in a bigger size then I have probably ever worn. I figured the make up and hair would help. I felt pretty leaving the house... then I saw the pictures from the event. Unforgiving is an understatement. I felt uncomfortable the rest of the time, not just because how I looked in the photos, but also because it was 85 degrees and super sunny. Talk about melting and mountain dew and back sweat... mmmmm! delicious!

I am going to continue to chronicle my journey, not because I need people to pat me on the back or tell me that I look fine the way I am. I know the people who love and care about me will always say that. I am going to do it because I believe it will help keep me on track and motivated and focused on my goals. I will begin to be more comfortable in my skin, and choose to take better care of it. Mark my words people! IT WILL HAPPEN!

Anyway, as for the festival, it was a great opportunity for us to get out, see some cultural things, although I found most of it to be a bit touristy, and stereotypical. I enjoyed watching the ukulele players, the dancing, and most of all the little children having a blast. I was thinking to myself, those kids didn't care what they were wearing, who was watching, or what anyone thought. What a concept!! I am hoping to do things like this more in the future. Mostly I can't wait to be able to focus more on living in the moment, than worrying what I look like to others. I imagine it will be extremely rewarding, exciting, and even relaxing!

Till next time...

How I met Darylein

When Davey was born, he was in the hospitals version of the "NICU". It was pretty intense in there, lots of babies and scared and worried parents. Tired moms who probably just needed to sleep. I was hospitalized and put on bedrest for five days before my little peanut was born. I had an amniotic leak, and my fluid level got so low I was sent straight from my ultrasound to admitting.

It was a very stressful, scary, boring, and exhausting time. Anyone who has spent any time in the hospital knows, you are poked, prodded, fed interesting food, and the worst... as soon as you fall asleep on the uncomfortable bed, they wake you up. I was trying to be as friendly and nice to the staff as possible, because they work really long hours, and they do quite a bit of work monitoring so many patients. I got two steroids to help with Davey's lung development, and all I could think was please let this work/help him, and please don't let it make me gain more weight!

By the time my son was born, I was so tired, I was almost a zombie. My labor was pretty quick and painless compared to what I hear other mothers go through, and believe me! I heard it!!! for FIVE LONG DAYS!!! I would walk down to the nursery for Davey's feedings every 3 hours, and just sit and look at this little man, that I somehow created and carried for 34 weeks and a day. While going to the nursery, I met many wonderful nurses, but one in particular, Darylein, was really special to me. She would chat with me, about anything and everything. I felt so much calmer when she was there to chat with, and teach me what I was doing with this baby I somehow woke up to. You know how sometimes you meet someone, and you think how have I lived without this person in my life, or how have I only known this person a week? That is how I felt when I spent time with Dar in the nursery. When you meet people like that you need to seize the opportunity, and foster the relationship. It is always hard to tell if there will be any boundaries crossed, or if the relationship you think you built is not quite as deep on the other person's end. I lucked out!!! She liked me too, hahah!

David spent one LONGGG week in the nursery, and then came home. When we went to leave the hospital, I was so excited to finally have my baby with me the whole day, instead of in many little increments. I was also bummed out about not having an excuse to hang with Dar too. So I asked her to exchange numbers, and we agreed we would meet up, and also have a shopping trip. We both like a lot of the same things.

The rest my friends... is history... and the future!!

Little Davey on his blanket for jaundice.

Everyone Else Does!!

I have decided to start my own blog, because I have really enjoyed reading about other people's passions, journeys, ideas, skills, you name it! I feel like I may have something that may interest others, or be someone that another can relate to and feel like someone else understands. I believe in the power of human connection, and the betterment of our lives because of it. I am also hoping this blog will help me stay true to myself, and also be accountable for my life goals.

I had a baby, David James, in November of 2014. He came early at 34 weeks, and there has been a period of about three months where I have only concentrated on his every need and want. I am hoping that I will be able to blog and share my experience with him, and my life and how it has changed since becoming a mother. I also hope that I can chronicle my journey of getting back to my pre-baby self, because it has been very hard, and I feel like this blog may help keep me on track.

I am in no way a professional writer, advice columnist, parent, or beauty guru. I am just a girl in the world... but, I am just fine with that.

Please follow along with me in my journey, and share yours with me as well! Happy Reading.

emilbusyram@gmail.com