It Happened...

Have you ever woken up and thought, where the hell am I? Who am I? What happened???
I had one of these awakenings this past weekend. I picked my little munchkin up from a nap, and one of my favorite things to do is hold him up in the long mirror for him to see himself. I love watching him smile and giggle when he notices himself, and occasionally looks up and sees my face and recognizes it and smiles. This time was different, because this time I actually looked at myself... boy was that a rude awakening. I am not sure where or when it exactly happened, but suddenly I was a much larger, older, flabbier me. Granted, I hadn't been what anyone would call thin for a while. I put on some pounds, then had the wonderful pregnancy gain, and the post pregnancy barely have time for myself gain. Suddenly, I saw this person I didn't recognize. I am not in denial that I am out of shape, or that I had gained some weight. I am just in shock that after four and a half months, I hadn't lost any, and quite frankly I was looking bigger and more flabby than pregnant.

I have been going through a lot of things physically, emotionally, and mentally. It's no excuse but I definitely found pleasure in buying things and eating things. I thought if I ate less than I was during pregnancy, the weight would come off. This is not true. I was doing pretty well getting out and walking the baby while I was on maternity leave, but since I went back, I have been much less diligent about it. We walk when weather permits, I'm not dead tired, and quite  honestly when I have the energy to pick myself up and put on my shoes.

I decided yesterday after feeling really sorry for myself, and crying a bit while watching some RomCom movies, that I was going to actually take the time to invest in my health and well-being. I am going to start eating healthier, not going to eat away my sadness with junk food. I am going to start exercising more frequently. I joined the Tone It Up Bikini challenge, not because I think I will transform enough in 8 weeks to love being in a bikini again, but I crave the structure, and I need to have it.

I gave myself a new goal, rather than get back to a certain weight, size, look, etc.. I am challenging myself to complete the bikini challenge series. There is a nice girl that I have met through the planner community, and I am going to look to her for support. I have family and friends, but no one who can do the challenge with me. The three ladies I am closest to are pregnant, my mom is out of the question, and my most fit friend, is recovering from a spinal surgery, or I know she would be in on it with me.

I am going to blog about what I eat, what exercise I do, my challenges, my weak moments, and basically my life. It isn't to be in an unhealthy obsessive way, but more along the lines of it will keep me honest, keep me on track, and also give me something I can look back on to see how I got to wherever I end up. I am very excited to try to start this new chapter as not only a mom, but a woman who is going to take care of my body, my mind, and my health for myself and my family.

Please follow me on this journey as I begin my transformation into the new me.... It is bound to get interesting.